Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I'm trying not to lose it....

I'm trying to keep calm but my thoughts are out of controll
With all I know for sure, I know there's more untold
So torn with what to do and how to handle things to come
Unsure whether to stick around or pack my stuff and run
What possible explanation could there be to what's been said?
When I feel inside my heart and I know what's in my head.  
The truth is often painful but the truth so often is...
So why then can't I accept the fact that the face I'll soon miss is his???

June 11, 2013
About Billy Crawford <\3

Monday, June 3, 2013

The last time that I recall blogging, I believe, was on Myspace!  Some years ago now.  I'm all excited now that I have remembered and I plan to go read them later. Considering maybe copy/pasting them into here and re-posting them.  Just a little blast from the past.  Some insight into who I was then and how I am not that person anymore.  Just as this will be later...  It's weird though.  Having remembered my other blog, I feel as if I'm "betraying" it by blogging here.  I've always been that way with things that I write in.  I think maybe it's my way of trying to keep myself more organized and on track and easier to follow so-to-speak, throughout my writing.  I'm not sure what other reason there could be behind those feelings.  But it's so strong that it makes me almost cry when I think about it.
Stupid Stupid Stupid.

    Well I wish I had the confidence to feel that people would actually want to read my blog but at this point I don't.  I'm not even sure of what it will be about.  Or what direction it is going to take.  Or what my "angle" will be.  Advice?  Opinion?  Rants?  Meanderings?  Instructional guides of "how to" everything??  Ha!!  "How to:  screw up your entire life, from the gate!"  That would be my first title.                I think more than anything this blog will probably go back to when I was in highschool almost 10 years ago!  I still deal with a lot of pain from that time in my life.  I think that this blog will probably tell my story from then till now.  As much of it that I can remember.  I'm not proud of all the things I've done.  But I am who I am.  Maybe this blog will be the thing I feel I need to hold in my hands that brings together my life from highschool to here that I've not had yet.     I didn't graduate.  Or go to college.  I didn't start a business.  Or travel.  I've not really accomplished a whole lot yet.  And in ways, some would say I have.  But I need something for me.  And perhaps this will be it.  ...?I hope so.